Tomorrow is My First Meeting With My Husband Since Our Separation and I Want Him Back – Tips to Help

I recently heard from a wife who was trying to come up with a strategy for the first get together with her husband since her separation. The two of them were going to meet and drive to her son’s parent / teacher conference together. She was quite nervous about this because she was very clear on the fact that she wanted her husband back and she did not want to do anything wrong that would cause for things to be worse. She wanted to know how she should best play it to make the situation better and not worse. I will discuss what I told her in the following article.

Be Mindful Of The Image That You Portray When You Meet With Your Husband During A Separation: First and foremost, it’s very important that you portray a person who is going to elicit positive responses and perceptions. You don’t want to portray yourself as someone who is barely getting by or who just can not survive with out him. And, you don’t want to try to pour on the guilt or try to elicit his sympathy and / or pity.

It’s important to understand that those feelings are only likely to contribute to his walking away with negative perceptions, (even if he is not sure why he is having them.) You absolutely do not want to reinforce any perception that he is better off alone. You don’t want him thinking “man, nothing has changed so I really did make the right decision.”

Instead, you want him to see the best part of you that he is most attracted to. Now, I completely know and understand that I’m asking you to walk an ultra fine line. Because it’s also important that you are genuine. You don’t want to show up looking like a fashion model when you and your husband both know full well that sweats are more your style. This is not believable or sustainable.

But, what you can do is portray the best version of who you truly are and what you truly stand for. If you are a jeans and tee shirt sort of person, you can still pick clothing that looks nice on you and is cut to make your best and most noticeable attributes stand out.

You can smile and laugh and keep things light hearted and show your husband that you can still be his partner in parenting and can have still have positive interactions that leave you both smiling. There’s nothing wrong with making sure that he knows that you miss him and you wish that things were different, but you don’t want to dwell on the negative. You want for him to walk away knowing that he’s seen some positive changes in the level of cooperation between you and the atmosphere that occurs when you are together.

Don’t try to do too much too soon. This is a process that builds upon itself. Many people make the mistake of bringing up the relationship and then things just have a way of pouring out. So, before you know it, you’re babbling about how you cry when you look at his side of the bed or burst into tears when you were taking out your own garbage.

Stick To The Reason For The Meeting. Don’t Use This As An Excuse To Plead Your Case: I have to mention this because the woman who I was speaking with kept mentioning what she planned to say and to bring up. I had to remind her a few times that the meeting was meant to discuss her son with their child’s teacher. So, most of the time, that is exactly what should have been discussed. Don’t use your kids as an “in.” Because if you do and this goes badly, then your husband is going to be reluctant to meet again, or he will keep the meetings very short, even if you do have legitimate reasons for them.

So, stick to the task at hand, especially initially. And, it doesn’t hurt to let him take the lead. Be pleasant. Keep things light hearted. Flirt very slightly – but only if things are going well and only if he is taking the lead. Do not allow any negative feelings to show, even if this is difficult. I know that this can seem unfair, but there’s a reason for this.

It is only human nature to gravitate towards those things that make you feel good about your situation and yourself and to avoid things that make you feel unsure, or allow you to experience negative emotions. Most people don’t think about this or even realize that it is happening. This doesn’t mean that have to pretend as if there is nothing wrong. Obviously, things are difficult and you can’t or shouldn’t deny this. But, you want for him to know that you can make the best of this difficult situation, that you can still interact positively with him, that you have integrity and grace, and that any further meetings with you will likely turn out as well as this one.

See right now, your real goal is to set it up so that these meetings will begin to happen with some regularity and will continue to go well when they happen. You can’t fix everything after only one face to face get together. But, if you play your cards right, you can pave the way for more.

Leave a Reply